


Dark Ambition: Ben Solo/ Kylo Ren X Reader AU

by BenSolo_Lives



Category: Adam Driver - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Break Up, College, Daddy Kink, Depression, Dom/sub, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Foster Care, Growing Up Together, High School, Mental Breakdown, POV Ben Solo, POV First Person, POV Kylo Ren, Peer Pressure, Philadelphia, Rehabilitation, Self-Harm, Smut, Star Wars References, Therapy, Virgin Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:34:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27522394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenSolo_Lives/pseuds/BenSolo_Lives
Summary: You moved into Ben's neighborhood and start to realize that he's not going to leave you alone. Navigating your last year of high school Is tough especially since you're dealing with depression and a very cute boy who seems to have a habit of lying to you. This is a story of friendship, love, pain, and lots of healing.
Relationships: Ben Solo/Reader, Ben Solo/You, Chewbacca & Han Solo, Finn & Kylo Ren, Knights of Ren & Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You, Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Poe Dameron/Finn/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Large Dramatic Ass Man

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, I am happy to be posting more work. I have been having a hard time and reliving some personal things and I wrote this fic as a way of dealing with it. I hope you like it and if you don't thats fine too.  
> This chapter doesn't have any but there is self harm in chapter 4 so if that is a trigger for you please take care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic, like most things I create are coming from a place of relaxation and I find it therapeutic. It means a lot that you're here to read my little story. I hope you like it.

Ben could only control his feet, his eyes moved quickly but he wasn't sure he could make out anyone's face. The sound around him was drowned out by the sound of his own heart beating in his ears. Everything was a blur, he'd never felt so out of it in all his life. He fell to his knees and the dew on the grass started seeping through his jeans. He didn't notice or care. He was afraid of whatever all of this would mean to him. How could he go on now? Why would he?

His hands gripped a handful of grass and it grounded him momentarily to hear the words coming at him from behind him.

"Hey?" someone called to him but he kept his eyes forward. How was he going to explain this to his mother? Oh Lord, he hadn't even figured out how his father was going to feel.

"Hey?" The voice was a little louder but he kept his eyes forward.

"Whatever, asshole." He heard as the presence that had been calling out to him walked past him.

He lifted his eyes up to look but she had already walked by. Her dark denim skinny jeans clung to her frame which was the only reason he could tell it was a girl. She had on an oversized hoodie on with the hood covering her head. He ignored her, he was upset and it seemed like more trouble than what it was worth.

When Ben stood he looked around himself as if he forgot where he was standing. When he turned and saw the cul-de-sac's mailbox system he remembered what he was doing. He lifted himself long enough to stand firmly on his feet. He started walking back in the direction of his house. The afternoon air was cool as the season's had just started to shift from summer to fall. His dark red t-shirt clung to him and he'd tucked it in. Ben wasn't much of a snappy dresser but he knew that his muscles were on display better when his shirt was tucked in and since it was Saturday he knew he'd be seeing his friends tonight and he knew that there would be some girl there he'd want to tease with the sight of his strong body.

He wasn't going to be around friends today, he couldn't. They knew how he felt about Yale, he'd even been teased because of how much time he spent on keeping up his grades. Going into his senior year he was in the top 15% of his class. He worked hard on his grades and he was in football so besides that he didn't spend too much time on anything else. He liked football well enough but it was more of just something to do. He was a lineman because of his size, but he knew he was too lean to play professionally. It was fine, it wasn't who he was completely, it was a good way to channel his anger. Once when he was 13 some kid on the visiting team called him a pussy so Ben broke his collar bone during the next play. He was strong if nothing else.

When he walked back into his house he kicked off his Vans and ran up to his room. He moved the collection of calligraphy books on his shelf and hid the letter back there. He didn't want to think for a moment more about his parents finding it before he figured out how he was going to fix it. Ben knew he had plans for his life and this wasn't going to stop him. He didn't know how he was going to fix it, but he would. He was upset that he'd been met with rejection none the less.

He walked over to his window and saw the movement against the back fence. That girl again, she was walking in the little ally between their fence and the undeveloped land behind it. There was a few acres of trees that no one was in a hurry to do anything with. Ben could see the side if her face, she was cute. She had a button nose and cheekbones he could see even from this distance. He didn't know what overcame him but he opened the window and yelled out to her, "Hey!" she didn't react. He felt like his body was moving for him without instructions from his brain and he grabbed a black and grey flannel from his closet. Next he flew down the stairs sliding his shoes back on and he was running to the back gate. "Hey!" he called at her again and she turned to see him standing there. She stopped and removed a headphone from one of her ears with a raised brow indicating she could hear him now.

"Hi." he said to her.

"Hi" you responded with a confused look overcoming your face.

He blanked and didn't know what to say, looking at your face this close he couldn't breathe. There was an electricity flowing through the air and it almost vibrated the atmosphere between you. He thought you were absolutely beautiful, your clothes were baggy and worn and you had on a lot of eyeliner but you took his breath away, he didn't know what to say so he opened his mouth hoping for the best.

"You called me an asshole." he stated feeling dumb for bringing it up.

"Yeah well, you were being an asshole. You ignored me"

"I'm sorry I was processing some bad news, I hadn't realized you were talking to me."

"sure."

"Oh come on, I said sorry" he said looking at you with his puppy dog eyes

"It's fine you freaked me out a little, you were throwing some kind of grown man tantrum. I thought you were having a stroke or something, it looked like the color drained from your skin but I am just starting to believe that might just be your complexion."

"I wear sunscreen" he said smiling out of the side of his face.

Ben was frozen, who was this girl? Ben had been teased about his moles from the guys in the locker room but no girl had ever said anything negative about his appearance, not that he knew of and he couldn't think of a single girl calling him an asshole to his face. You had done that twice in the last 10 minuets. He liked it. Unamused, you started walking away from him again.

"I'm Ben" he yelled after you.

"Hi, Ben" you said over your shoulder and kept walking

He started running in your direction to catch up to you again, the space that grew between them felt like a string pulling and it almost hurt. "Do you have a name?" he asked sarcastically.

"yup" you met back at him not slowing your pace as he walked with you.

"Hey if you don't tell me I am going to have to give you a nickname that you're going to hate." You rolled her eyes and stopped walking

You told him, looking into his eyes again.

He stuck his hand out to shake yours and you laughed at him before taking it and shaking it. You turned to walk away again.

"Hey?"

"What, Ben?" you sounded extremely annoyed this time.

"What do you have going on today?" he asked as you raised that damn brow at him again. "Well I mean I was hoping we could hang out, my parents aren't home and like I said I got bad news I could use some company." 

Fuck he thought that sounded like he was trying to get in your pants, but honestly he just wanted to be around you. Someone who was beautiful and concussing and not falling for his regular bullshit. "we could watch a movie or play cards, or eat?"

"Cards?" you asked confused.

_Yup, she thinks I'm trying to get it in_ , he thought. 

"Yeah um, gold fish, war, ya know cards?"

"Ben, you don't know who I am why are you inviting me into your house?" _He was insane, what if you were a murderer? or like one of those girls on the internet that is in love with a fictional character?,_ you thought. 

"Well, I kinda like that you don't know me, you won't push me to talk about my bad news and I won't be alone so it's perfect. I just need that right now." He said with a grin on his face. He really was just looking to make some kind of meaningless small talk, and you were hot so that didn't hurt. 

"Food?" you asked

"Yeah I've got food."

"What the fuck, why not?"

\---------------------------------------

You had left her fosters that morning in a hoodie because Florida would consider this temperature deep winter. Last week was your 18th birthday so you had aged out of the system but you enrolled in a program that would keep you until you graduated from high school. That's how you found yourself in some suburb 25 minuets outside of Philadelphia. You told your fosters you were going to look for a job, you didn't plan to but you didn't want to go to the gymnastics competition they were taking their 6 year old to. 

You figured you would just walk around the block for a while and sneak back into the window once they left. Thats when you walked up on this large dramatic ass man throwing himself to the ground like his life had just ended. You yelled after him and he ignored you. Probably for the best, I didn't need to get caught up in his drama.

You were worried about getting caught walking in circles so you ducked behind the fences that ran against the woods at the back of the neighborhood. You were walking looking at her feet and saw a tall figure in front of you, the asshole again.

You looked at his face for the first time and holy hell, he was beautiful. His light brown eyes in contrast with his dark flowing hair against his pale skin was beautiful. Your felt her heart skip and you couldn't help but stare.

When he started talking you noticed how incredibly deep his voice was, it gave you butterflies in your stomach but you wanted to keep your cool face on. You kept trying to get away from him, he ran after her, and when you took his hand your body shook. He said he wanted to spend time with you because you didn't know him, it hurt that he didn't want to know you. He just wanted you to distract him, but being in the same room with him made that fire spark again and it felt like enough for you, plus free food.


	2. Focus On Ryan Phillippe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of build up to prepare you for the fluff that is chapter 3.

Ben lead you through the backyard, their pool was covered and there was a sizable patio that lead you into the house through the back door. When Ben kicked his shoes off you did too while looking around. It was a very typical sight, a family home. There were pictures on the wall, trinkets on the shelves and a faint smell of warm vanilla in the air. Ben turned to you as he was walking into the kitchen. "Can I get you something to drink? We have coffee, tea, water, juice, milk, and beer."

"Beer?" You questioned him. "It's 10 am, Ben."

"Well I just wanted you to have all of the options." he said smiling at you. You were blown away by the way his face creased at his cheeks when he smiled, his teeth were perfect in their imperfection and you took a step closer to him without realizing it.

"Coffee" you said trying to hold your smile in. He handed you a mug and let you pour it yourself as he pulled the creamer from the fridge and put some in his own mug. "Sugar?" you asked and he handed you the shaker and your fingers brushed as you took it from him. The touch itself was nothing intimate but something about it being him made you blush. "It's hot in here." you stated trying to deflect as you sipped the coffee. 

"Well you could take off that large hoodie you have on" he said matter of factly and you rolled her eyes. You placed her coffee down on the counter and pulled your arms out of the hoodie first so you could use one hand to lift it over your head and the other held down your long sleeve shirt. It held your body tighter than the hoodie, it had black and white stripes and a low crew neck. You started tucking it in but were surprised when it started to pull up much quicker than what you anticipated. When you got your head out from the bottom you could see Ben standing inches away from you. He was holding your hoodie in his hands, you realized he had helped you out of it.

"What are you doing, Ben?" you said looking at his lips that were closer to her face then she had realized. She stared at them and broke herself out of it to look up his eyes. He was looking at you like he was hungry like he wanted you against him and it would be lying to say that wasn't what you wanted, but you willed yourself to take a step back from him. "Thank you" you said and grabbed your hoodie out of his grasp and took another few steps around the counter and out of his arms reach.

He seemed to snap out of it a few moments after you left his direct line of sight. "Are you hungry? We can order some food." He said to trying to ease the tension he created when he got close to you.

"I don't have my wallet on me." You said to him.

"My treat" he said "What do you feel like?"

"I'm not picky" you said back to him

"Well what's your favorite place around here?" he asked with genuine curiosity.

"Well I have lived here for all of 15 hours so I have yet to try any of the cuisine." you said with a little giggle.

"So you are new?" he laughed at you.

you nodded,

"What school are you at?" he asked nonchalantly

"I'm starting as a senior Monday Chandrila"

"oh cool, so you're what 17?"

"18" you corrected.

"me too" he said and he pulled out a stack of take out menus from a drawer in front of him. "Take a look and get whatever, my treat." he said and those words could make her heart sing.

You flipped through them and decided that the pizza was the most appetizing, he said order whatever and you weren't sure how much he would eat but you could destroy a pizza on your own. "What about a few pizzas?" you said lifting one of the menus at him.

He nodded his head and he was smiling at you again. "Do you want to watch a movie or did you have your heart set on a card game?" he asked laughing

"I think a movie would be the better option" you answered trying to focus on toppings and not his perfect smile.

Ben called and ordered the pizza while you flipped through the DVD collection that his family had placed in a CD case. You saw a lot of her favorites, they really like the science fiction genre. You stopped when she saw Cruel Intentions, you love this movie. Handing it to Ben he laughed as he put it in the player.

"If that's what you want, dear" your heart jumped at the sound of a pet name coming from him in your direction. Even one as simple as dear. He started the movie and sat next to you on the couch There was plenty of room for him to sit as you were up against the arm. That's why it surprised you when he sat about two inches away from you. You could feel the pull to him growing stronger but tried your hardest to focus on Ryan Phillippe as best you could.

Ben slouched into the couch and placed his arm over the back of it behind you and you felt small movements in the cushion your back was leaning against. You tried desperately to keep her eyes on the screen but couldn't take it anymore. 

You gave a glance in his direction and he was staring at you. That hunger was back in his eyes and you could feel it burning into your flesh. The two of you stared at each other unmoving for what felt like forever. He kept looking at your lips as you bit them trying to hold yourself together. There was so much going unsaid but you both knew what the other was thinking. Your attempt to hide the electricity in your body when he shook your hand or grazed your fingers had gone out the window and you knew it. He lifted himself briefly maintaining eye contact to turn himself to face you, you were going to lose your mind if he didn't make a move and soon.

He placed his hand out as if he was going to grab your face but he jumped back when the doorbell rang and it broke you out of your trance. He let out a small groan as he rolled his eyes at the interruption. He stood and got the door, the food was here and he placed it on the coffee table before returning with plates and cups of water. He handed you one and you grabbed the bottom of the glass in order to avoid the contact again. He sat on the floor with his back against the couch. It was a small saving grace, the bit of distance between you. 

You had eaten almost an entire pizza and he almost seemed impressed but you didn't mind you was never shy about eating. When he got up and relaxed on the couch next to you had regretted your choice of movie. This was far too sexual to be watching with a stranger. It was the pool scene when Ben looked back at her again. You saw it out of the side of your eye this time and couldn't ignore it. You looked at him and his beautiful jaw was clenched adding another angle to his structured face. You looked back at the nearly empty pizza box in front of you.

Desperate to break the tension you blurted out, "So you said we could play cards?"

Ben looked at you and coughed out of surprise, "um- you wanna - you wanna play cards?"

"Yeah sure." You said hoping you didn't sound like a complete idiot.

"Ok sure," he said as he moved his body from the couch. 


	3. We'll always have Georgia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys this one is so soft and fluffy. I hope you love it because it gave me the flutters writing it. Enjoy! -S

Ben returned from the hall closet with a few different decks of cards and placed them on the couch cushion next to you. He sat on the other end feeling the absence of your heat next to him.   
"Uno, Phase 10, Skip Bo, or a regular old deck." he said as she shuffled through your options.

You lifted Phase 10 at him with your brow raised. "I've never played this one."

"Well I guess that's the one then" he said taking the box from you and opening it.

You stayed seated on the couch and used the middle cushion as your card table. Ben moved to the floor in front of the cards with his back against the coffee table. He explained the rules to you, and gave her you a phase cheat sheet. **Phase 1:** 2 sets of 3. 

Ben got through the first round and you both felt how the other started to relax a bit. It was by phase 3 or 4 where you just started laughing and talking about any little thing. By phase 7 "Bitter Sweet Symphony" started playing and Ben looked behind him to watch Reese Witherspoon drive away.

"Do you wanna watch something else, or I can put on some music?" he asked

"Music, we aren't really paying attention." you shrugged.

"I'll be right back and since I trust you I am going to leave my cards here. No peaking little one!" he joked and you laughed up at him as he stood. God, that laugh could talk out an army, he thought. You wrinkled your nose when he was being funny but your entire face scrunched up when you laughed. Your eyes looked at him and he could've passed out right then. His legs moved even as wobbly as they were just by looking at you, he stayed up right. He ran up the stairs into his room to grab his speaker from his bedside table.

He came back down and you looked over your shoulder at him. You held your cards close to your chest like he was going to try and sneak a peak at your hand. He playfully rolled his eyes at her as placed the speaker next to the TV.

" _Such A Simple Thing_ " by Ray LaMontagne started playing at a medium volume that faded slightly by the time he walked over to the couch. He had the remote and placed it between the both of you.

"If there is anything you don't like, just change it."

"Okay cool" you said nodding at his hand, it was his turn to play and he could tell by the look on your face that you were close to winning this round. To Ben's surprise you didn't change a single song that played which meant you liked his music or you were too shy to say so.

You ended up winning the entire game, Ben kept getting stuck on **Phase 9:** 1 set of 5 and 1 set of 2, It was his downfall. When that game was done, you sat talking a while more. Ben told you about his plans after school was over, omitting the part about Yale. He tried to get something out of you but you were guarded. He respected that, you didn't know him from Adam so he couldn't expect to hear your entire life story. They talked until they came to a lull in the conversation.

"Georgia on My Mind" by Michael Buble started playing and Ben almost turned red. It was a break from his normal sound but he enjoyed the softer side of things every so often. He reached for the remote to change it but you stopped him.

"I like it." you said grabbing the remote before he could. You smiled down at him still seated on the floor. He got a wash of confidence just then and did something Ben Solo would normally never do.

"Do you wanna- dance?" he asked looking at you through his eyelashes.

It caught you off guard but he was too cute to ask and he had been nothing but charming since you came into his house. "I'd love to" you giggled "but I am afraid I don't know how."

He stood and reached his hand out to yours shaking only slightly, "I can show you if you want." he offered trying his best to keep the blood from rushing to his face. Your hand fell into his, the connection overwhelmed his nerve endings in shocks of lightning. He could almost feel every inch of his skin bubble up and explode at your simple touch. _What the hell was going on?_

He held his hand as steady as he could but it was shaking despite his best efforts. You stood and maintained her eye contact with him. "Okay" he said, "put your hand here" he took the hand that was in his hand and placed it on his shoulder, the instant feeling of losing your skin to skin contact was disappointing but he was glad he could still feel you through his shirt. "This one goes here" he said grabbing your other hand and he placed his empty hand lightly on your hip. He looked down at it and back up at your face almost asking if it was okay. You nodded and he continued. "I'll lead, typically the man does but I don't think it really matters" he said trying not to stare too hard at your face.

You were a natural, you followed his feet with ease and you almost glided around the living room. He could feel your fingers brushing the side of his neck and he shuttered under your intentional touch. You didn't speak but somehow the music seemed to have gotten louder.

_"_ _Other arms reach out to me  
Other eyes smile tenderly"_

He felt bold and slid his hand to the small of your back pulling you a little closer to his body and he lifted your joint hands to his chest as you swayed. Your hand on his shoulder moved back and you played with the hair at the base of his neck. He felt his chest ponding at your touch. He had danced with woman, he's held women in much more intimate ways then this, but this felt otherworldly, this was something new to even him. He could have melted into the floor at this moment.

_"there'll always be Georgia"_

He sang this line softly and your felt the breath escaping his mouth land gently on your ear. Your entire body shivered. 

The words he knew indicated the end of the song so he looked up at you, your lips were right there and he couldn't help but stare at them. Your lips were plush but not in a boastful way, they were perfect, all of you was. He made eye contact and he felt a little dizzy, he wasn't sure he had it in him to try anything with you. Unfortunately he didn't get the chance. The front door swung open and you jumped back at the sudden sound removing yourself from his warm hold on you. A man walked in the door and Ben rolled his eyes at the sight of his dad who wasn't aware that they were even in the room until the next song on Ben's speaker started playing the next song and he turned his head in their direction.

"Hey kids" he didn't seem surprised to see a girl there with Ben, he'd mentioned to his dad he was spending his day with friends today he never gave details, and Han didn't ask.

"Hey" Ben offered short sounding annoyed at the interruption.

"Hi" you offered sheepishly.

"This is my dad Han Solo" Ben said trying to get the pleasantries out of the way and Han out of the living room.

"Hi kid how are ya?" Han asked

"Good, it's nice to meet you Mr. Solo."

"Oh, call me Han please" he said waving a hand at his sir name.

"right" you said, not sounding comfortable.

"What are you two getting into?" Han said prying much to Ben's distaste.

"We were playing cards, listening to some music" Ben offered trying to tell his dad to get the hell out with his eyes.

"Ah, well I'll leave you to it" he said as he started up the stairs. "It was nice meeting you"

"yes, you too" you said back with a smirk.

Ben looked back at you as the sight of his father disappeared, you turned and grabbed your phone from the couch.

"Actually I should get going." you said looking at the time. How was it already 4:00? The day had flown by, and the early evening sun was starting to disappear behind the curtains of the living room window.

"oh" Ben said clearly disappointed, "let me see your phone, ill give you my number." You unlocked it before handing it to him, he typed his number in and called himself, a trick he'd learned to make sure that he also had your number. He handed it back to you, "I called my number so it's the last one on your call log" he said.

You smiled, "You do that a lot don't you?" you said as you started typing his name over his number on your phone.

He smiled back at you, "I have no idea what on earth you're talking about." he said with a sarcastic tone.

You rolled your eyes at him, "I really should go." you said and made your way to the door to grab your shoes. You sat on the couch and put them back on before walking to the door, Ben followed you. "Thanks for the food, and the game." you said before opening the door. He nodded at you unsure what to say. You opened the door and the cold air came rushing in you pulled your hoodie back on and turned back to him, "and the dance." you added. Is this how you flirt? You weren't great at this. 

"We'll always have Georgia" he said in a low tone tempted to kiss you goodbye, but you stepped out of the door just a little too fast.

"Bye Ben, see ya around."

"Yup" he said feeling defeated, but you were right he would be around. 


	4. I Don't Live Too Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful beings, this chapter is heavy and far from the fluff. Please read my trigger warnings, I put them there because I love you and I want you to remember to take care of yourself. I appreciate you leaving Kudos, it lets me know that someone is reading my silly little story. You make my heart happy. Enjoy!

**** TRIGGER WARNING*****

SELF HARM, PLEASE TAKE CARE I LOVE YOU!

You started walking back to the fosters house, you couldn't remember their first names which didn't really matter you would figure it out or just stick with Mr and Mrs for a bit. You had been all over the place growing up in the system and had to learn to not get attached. It was a mistake you'd made with your first 2 foster homes that you could remember and you quickly learned that in order to survive you wouldn't do it again. When you walked back up to the house you saw their SUV in the driveway. There went your opportunity to sneak into your room and ignore the world for the rest of the night.

When you walked in Mrs. Mane was standing in the kitchen making dinner. "Hey, how was your day?" she called out and you looked over at her.

"It was fine" you said trying to not continue the conversation. There was nothing wrong with Mrs. Mane you just didn't want to do this. You hated small talk for the sake of it, you just wanted to go and disappear in your own skin.

"Did you get any good leads on a job?" she asked. You knew the Mane's were not too keen on you finding work, they promised to give you an allowance but you didn't want to be completely reliant on them, it felt like too much to ask. They had thought it was best for you to be focused on school, they wanted you to get good grades. It did catch you off guard when you had this conversation but you said you'd just like to look. You weren't used to having fosters care about your grades and honestly you didn't either, you kept going to school to keep from being truant. You thought for sure you would have to drop out at 18 to get a full time job with the need to support yourself coming with the age. When you were offered the extension program and learned you could get the hell out of Florida, you jumped on it. Surly teenagers can't suck everywhere, right?

"Looks like I might have to take you up on the allowance idea." you said shrugging your shoulders. Mrs. Mane smiled big at you, she'd gotten her way for now, but you would keep looking.

"That's no problem at all, we are happy to do it." she said and you almost felt happy because it sounded like she meant it. You smiled at her before turning to go down the hall. You heard her yell back, "Dinner is at 6, please keep it down Gabby is sleeping" You nodded back at her and continued to the hall way. Feeling your phone buzz in your pocket, knowing you'd gotten a text. It was Ben, you tried not to smile like an idiot and failed miserably. Laying in your bed you pulled your phone out and the smile widened.

 **Ben:** Hey, did you get home okay?

 **You:** haha, yeah I don't live too far

 **Ben:** Well that will come in handy the next time I break down in the grass

 **You:** I'm just a distraction to you? :P

_Is this flirting? You thought, you didn't flirt normally but it seemed kind of funny, is this funny?_

**Ben:** You're not just a distraction, but you're very good at being one.

 **Ben:** I had a lot of fun today, I'd like to hang out with you again. That's what I meant.

 **You:** I had fun too, Ben. I'll see ya around.

 **Ben:** Have a good night.

You didn't know where else to take the conversation, you'd felt a little embarrassed that your text didn't come through the way you had meant it. You weren't good at texting, it kept you from playing on your phone or reading. You didn't have a laptop or a tablet so your phone was your only source of internet and you didn't like wasting all your time waiting for a boy to text you back. You'd never really been good at making friends, you wouldn't let anyone too close and sure you'd had friends through the years but none stuck. They would fade when you moved schools, promise to keep in touch but they fell out of their commitments.

Dinner was uneventful, Mrs. Mane told Mr. Mane about you deciding to take the allowance and he seemed over joyed at the idea. Gabby was determined to call you her sister, you smiled uncomfortably but were able to avoid any prying questions. Your fosters were good cooks, you liked the food they made. It wasn't anything frozen but it also wasn't anything overly natural tasting. You had access to ketchup and the salt shaker but it wasn't needed. You grabbed your toiletry bag after dinner and headed into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

The tool felt familiar in your hand but it was the first time you felt the pain in such a sharp way. This was a new blade and you hadn't accounted for that when you applied pressure. The wound was cleaner looking but too deep this time. You felt yourself gasp at the gash you'd created. The blood came through the deep cut and you pushed your lungs to release the air you were holding in. The warmth of the blood made you forget the pain as it offered the relief you'd been seeking. Temporary pain, and a temporary distraction. You placed the sharp blade on the counter and watched the blood start to escape from the clean slice on your leg. You could taste the iron on your tongue and smell the small about of blood before you could see it. It was stinging but it was a welcomed pain. The inner thigh was always the least painful simply because thats where the most fat was but this one was a bit higher and made the gash a bit more than you had been looking for. You removed the rest of your clothing and sat in the bathtub, this was going to bleed for a bit. She looked down at her leg while water ran over the wound and she saw again how deep she'd unintentionally went again. The last time you saw anything that deep in your skin was in middle school.

It had been during your athletics class, you were playing softball and you really went for it trying to catch a ball that your classmate had hit in your direction in the outfield. You ran and dove over the chainlink fence and fell on top of a metal wire from the fence that had been twisted and worn. You'd needed 4 stitches and a tetanus shot. Now looking at your leg you really hoped you wouldn't need stitches. It wasn't as large as your previous injury but the little cut was deep enough to perhaps require a stitch before it would close properly. It would give your secret away and you couldn't begin to imagine the nightmare of dealing with anyone seeing the dozens of scars on your legs, it was clear what they were. Little excuses could explain the sight of them, they'd have to be an idiot to not know what you'd been doing to yourself or the last 6 years. 

You were 13 the first time you cut yourself, you'd never thought about it before but after one of your classmates got caught with a scar on her wrist the idea intrigued you. You wouldn't be as stupid though, so you decided to go for your leg. The only time that part of you was exposed was when you were in your swim suit but even then you were rarely out of the water without shorts or a towel covering you. You used your nail scissors, they were dull but sharp enough. You had to go over your skin a few times in the same spot a few times to break the skin enough but you reveled in the sensation. Giving the pain in your head a physical outlet. You liked feeling the pain of it under your clothes as you walked around, your school the next day. Your jeans more than covered the cut but you liked the friction of it, knowing it was there. It made you feel a little less crazy, the pain you felt was real and you could see it, could feel it on your leg. No one could tell you it wasn't real because you had manifested it, you had proof.

You quickly upgraded to a detail knife you got at the craft store. It would be easy enough to say you needed it for a school project and it did the trick. You realized through the years how you'd gotten a little deeper or you'd covered more surface area each time but it never stopped you. You'd used the last blade for a while and forgot how dull it really was until this time. The pink water sat on your leg before it ran down the drain and you could feel her head start to spin from the smell. You placed pressure on your leg and it clotted, maybe I was being dramatic because it clearly didn't need stitches you realized as it stopped bleeding. It hurt like a bitch, but really that was the point.

Lucky me, the next morning when you woke up the bandage had done its job, when you got out of bed you'd decided that you'd skip your release today and let your body work on healing last nights mishap. As you dressed you thought about maybe trying to see Ben today. You had not thought about him when you were placing the blade to your skin last night, it was just something you did. It was night time, brush your teeth, wash your face, cut your leg. You felt guilty now, thinking of Ben and the cut on your leg. You didn't know why but it made your heart heavy when you thought about it now.


	5. Tease Him Wildly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know last chapter was heavy but this one isn't anything like that.I think after something like chapter 4 chapter 5 will be a walk in the park. I added a little humor to this one, so I hope it's not lost I think I'm pretty funny. I am unsure as to when chapter 6 will come but it probably will be a little bit of a break because this is the last one I have done and waiting. I hope ya like it!

Ben drove a little too fast, but thats what a mustang was built for so he didn't feel bad about turning his 20 minuet drive into a 15 minuet drive. The day was just starting, Ben pulled into the parking lot and found his usual spot. He noticed the group of his friends leaning against and around Vicrul's car. He parked and pulled off his Ray-ban sunglasses leaving them in the center console. He had barely just gotten out of the car when Kaydel walked up to him slinging her arms around his waist and pulling her body close to his for a hug. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her to reciprocate the hug. She cooed in his arms as he squeezed her. Her head only reached his collarbone, and she looked up at him with big doe eyes. 

"Hey Ben, where were you this weekend?" 

"I had plans with my dad, he made me go with him to take care of some stuff for the shop." A lie but it was none of her business and Ben was still feeling sensitive about his bad news. 

"Well I missed you." She fluttered her lashes at him in another desperate attempt to flirt with him. It wasn't that he didn't want to ever shoot his shot with her but he knew more than anything she just wanted attention and for the most part Ben didn't mind giving it to her. Things were different and he felt it when he hugged her, he didn't want to continue this dance they had going so he removed her arms from his waist and took a step back. 

"I'm sorry." he said referring to his absence from the group hangout they had, even though he didn't owe her anything. He knew the night probably would have ended in them sitting around making out and she would let him feel her up and tease him wildly before she inevitably got up giggling and left with the other girls. He didn't mind the chase and he respected her boundaries, it just made him feel like a toy to her and that's why he decided about a week after the first time they kissed, that he needed to check out emotionally with her.

She looked up at Ben with a bit of a confused look on her face, unaware as to why he had created the space between them. He figured this would happen and he wanted to explain the situation with you to her. Hell, he wanted someone to explain the situation to him, but he knew it was not the time or place for any of that. He'd talk to her when their friends weren't in earshot. 

Ben walked over to Vicrul trying to avoid the awkward tension he had just created between him and Kaydel. Vicrul was standing next to Ushar and they were looking at the group of girls that Kaydel was returning to. Theses were Ben's friends, he had basically no choice in making friends with Ushar. He was a wide receiver, they had to learn to read one another's movements and that resulted in spending a lot of time together at practice. Vicrul came into play by connection, growing up around Ushar's family. He wasn't as tall as Ben but he was just as large and he was a hell of a defensive lineman. 

They weren't the kind of friends you stay up talking to about your feelings, but they were always there for Ben when he needed companionship. The girls were a mix of cheerleaders and kick line girls. They each had a favorite boy to be with and oddly enough none of them interested Ben in the slightest. They had tried, before they had got involved with Vic or Ushar but none stayed as consistent as Kaydel. Honestly, she was starting to be almost annoying with her constant flirting and need for attention. One drunk night when they were having a bonfire at Vic's house he gave in and finally kissed her thirsty mouth. He knew he'd catch feelings simply because that was Ben's first kiss. 

He quickly realized that to Kay, this was a game. By Ben kissing her and none of the other girls, she had claimed victory. It started being less fun for her to constantly tease him. He was hooked, wrapped around her little finger she knew it. She stopped trying so hard, it became about stringing him along. Ben checked his feelings at the door and accepted it for what it was, she was bored and he would give her what she wanted. 

Vic looked up at Ben, "You good man?" he motioned his head in the direction of Kaydel, you could see how her deminer had completely changed after Ben walked away from her. 

"Yeah, I just think I gotta end it with her." Those were the only words he'd share with Vic about that. Vicrul would accept it, he wouldn't fight it or try and get more out of him. Ben knew that so he left it at that and Vicrul nodded his head. 

They all walked into the school heading for the first class of the day. Ben couldn't help but look around the halls hoping to find you, he was one of the tallest students so he got a birds eye view. He tried not to be too obvious but the idea of running into you made his stomach flip in excitement. He saw Ushar giving him a puzzled look. He quickly averted his gaze and kept his eyes forward ignoring the urge to continue to search for your face. He didn't want to explain to his friends what he was doing. They didn't need to know. 

The day passed without much event, until lunch. He knew that would be a good time to talk with Kaydel. She needed to know what was happening because Ben was already planning what his life would look like with you in it. That was his focus and by the time lunch had rolled around he was a little disappointed that he hadn't seen you at all. He walked through the industrial double doors that opened into the large loud cafeteria. The sound of students each having their own conversations made the room boom with noise. The lines were long but Ben usually would just go off campus during study hall to get food, so he didn't bother with getting anything now. The table he sat at every year with his friends was filled with the exception of his seat. He walked up and took sat between Vicrul and Cardo Kaydel directly across from him, it was the same every year. Although Kay didn't start sitting that close to them until the Monday after the bonfire. Kuruk bitched about it briefly having to be shifted down the table but he obliged once Paige started rubbing his thigh under the table. He nodded at her a silent "hello" she gave a half smile in response, the tension created this morning was still there. 

Ben pulled out his phone to text you, 

**Ben** : How's your first day going?

 **Rey** : I guess it's okay, nothing special. How's your day been?

 **Ben** : Ah, can't say just yet, but I was hoping to see you, maybe we could meet up?

 **Rey** : Yeah, I don't have any homework yet, but I don't think I will be busy once I get home. 

Ben thought on this for a moment, he wanted to see you now but he knew leaving things open with Kaydel and being around you could not coexist. 

**Ben** : Send me a picture of your view right now, please? 

It may seem like an odd request but he knew that he wouldn't have to explain himself to you. You would oblige and not think twice about why, you would just let him be Ben. He quickly respond to your text, he clicked his lock screen and looked up at the blonde sitting in front of him. She was looking down at her plate and moving the grayish fruit back and forth. 

"Kay" Ben called out, it almost startled her from the way her shoulders shook when she looked up to meet his eyes. "Can we go talk for a moment?" She smiled at his request, last time they disappeared at lunch they ended up making out in the back of her car. She stands and walks around the table to fall behind Ben as he struts back out the doors he walked through. 

The hallway offered an almost ear ringing silence compared to the noisy crowded lunch room. Ben leaned against one of the pillars just outside the library as he waited for Kaydel to catch up to his long strides. She looked so confused out in the open with him, they weren't much for talking but the surprise that Ben wanted to actually talk, when he asked if they could talk was written all over her face. 

Ben noticed her surprise and spoke first, "Kay, I can't do" he waved a hand between the two of them, "this anymore. You're a great girl but I think we should just be friends." Kaydel's surprise quickly turned into embarrassment. 

_Big ear Ben was 'dumping' her?_

They weren't even dating and he was cutting her off. She went through a range of feelings before slamming into the anger at the bottom of this emotional rollercoaster. "Friends have all we have ever been, Ben. Don't flatter yourself to think this was anything more." her arms found their way crossed against her chest and she cocked her hip out while speaking in a harsh tone. 

"I know Kay" was all Ben could say. He thought she would be hurt, maybe even cry but he never knew her to be mean. He wasn't going to let it get to him, if anything he would be a gentleman about all of this. 

"Is that all?" she asked her demeanor remaining cold and ridged. 

"Yup." Ben said shortly, a bit annoyed with her.

She needed to fix her attitude, but that wasn't his problem anymore. She hummed in a snarky acknowledgment and turned to return to her table alone, unaware and unbothered if Ben was following her or not.

He wasn't. 

He pulled his phone out again, hopefully you had responded. His phone was on silent so he wouldn't have heard it but his face lit up when he saw you'd sent him a picture of students standing around the quad. He knew exactly where you were from the vantage point of your photo and he made a bee line to you. 


	6. Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just kidding, it's been 16 hours and I woke up motivated to write so here's the next chapter.If you don't like fluff idk if I am going to be your favorite writer because it's the stuff I live for and I will say the next few chapters will be chalk full of it. I add humor though, to break it up. Enjoy lovely internet friends!

Your day started a little too early for your liking but taking the bus usually means adding an hour to commute time so you had no choice. Your fosters both had jobs so you weren't going to complain about them paying you to live with them and then not taking you to school themselves. 

The uniform is one hell of an uncomfortable addition to your day, in Florida you wore shorts and t shirts most of the time. Wearing a skirt, tights, a collared shirt, and a tie was a definite change of pace. You were going to a private school and you hadn't realized that until your fosters took you shopping for your uniform on Sunday. You almost freaked out when you found out, this was out of pocket and probably cost more than you could even imagine. You were beyond grateful but you couldn't help but feel a tremendous amount of guilt. You had a habit of believing you were unworthy of the kindness anyone may be showing you. This was beyond kind, it was loving and that was new to you. 

Walking into the school was not that intimidating, everyone was dressed like you which was reassuring in an odd way. You knew, never having been here before, that you were in fact at the correct school. It also meant you were able to blend more. You wore your hair down, you'd washed and blow dried it before bed and just ran a brush through it this morning. It was straight and only came a bit past your shoulders but it wasn't lost on you that most of the girls had their hair up in braids. Some more delicate than others, you'd never learned how to do anything like that. In a surprised panic so you dug a hair tie out of your bag and just pulled it into a simple pony tail. 

Your day was uneventful for the most part, the first day of school was usually just for teacher introductions and that seemed to be the case in private school as well. The school itself was beautiful, half of it was a beautiful old stone structure that was added on with clean modern architecture. There were high ceilings and the grounds were beautifully kept. You sat on a bench with your packed lunch looking over the syllabus for your calculous class. The vines climbed the stone walls of the buildings around you. The leaves turned pink, orange, and yellow. There was no particular direction they were headed in but you loved the beauty of how naturally perfect it all looked. There was a bush on your left that smelt of roses and the leaves on the tree above your head had just started to turn orange. The air was crisp and a bit chilly, you'd laid your cardigan on your legs since the sheer black tights offered little warmth. There were students throughout the quad but you were left unbothered which was a relief. 

You'd finished your food and placed your canvas lunch cooler back into your backpack folding it flat underneath your notebooks. You saw a shadow of someone standing behind you and at first you figured someone was just walking by but it remained unmoved and it started to worry. They were looking in your direction but you weren't sure if they were looking at the vines in front of you or not. You'd started to turn when a low voice whispered a little closer to you than you'd realized. "Hey beautiful." 

You finished turning to see Ben, your only friend in the state standing behind you. It took no time to notice he was also wearing a Chandrila uniform, I mean imagine seeing this man in dress pants, a collared shirt, a tie, and a blazer and not noticing. _Fat fucking chance._

"Why didn't you tell me this was also your school, Solo?" Your eyes followed him and he turned to sit on the bench next you you. You almost too quickly moved your backpack to the ground so that there was nothing in the space between you. 

"I wanted to surprise you." He put his hand on your knee, _you were very grateful that your cardigan was separating his hands from your tights because bloody hell you couldn't handle that kind of touch from a man dressed like that, and wait did he call you beautiful?_

"Beautiful?" you were trying to sound casual but your voice 10/10 cracked. 

He huffed a laugh under his breath as he moved closer to you moving his hand from your knee to your right shoulder. You turned your head to look at him, he was looking down at you with soft eyes, you could swim in the cognac color that flowed around his iris. He rubbed his hand down your arm and back up as if his proximity and that look he was giving you didn't provide enough warmth. 

"Beautiful." he said as a statement, answering your question. You unknowingly started shifting yourself on the bench so you were almost facing him head on. He was making eye contact with your lips and your gaze was jumping from his eyes to his lips. Your eyes tracing every little mark on his perfect face and watching the way his lips began twitching making his nose wiggle slightly, _you could not even_. 

"Ben," you whispered out breathlessly, he was moving his face closer to you and you could feel the butterflies pattering away in your stomach. The loud ringing of the bell made you jump, you almost fell off the bench and probably would have if Ben's big, strong, muscular, giant, tree trunk, sculpted, perfect, beautiful arms- ...... _umm what was I saying?...._ \- oh if he hadn't had his arm around you you would have fallen on your ass. 

"What class do you have next?" he asked clearing his throat and moving his head back over his shoulders he slid one arm through his leather messenger bag before standing. 

You pulled your schedule out of your bag quickly and handed it to him, you had no idea where anything was so the map on the back of your schedule was making your first day easier. He could maybe help point you in the right direction. "English, Ms. Tano." he said with a smirk. 

"Do you know where that is?" you asked flipping the schedule over trying to study it, hoping he would just point at the classroom you'd have to run to. 

"I'll take you, I am heading that way anyway." he said looking down at you, that _delectable_ smirk still on his face.

You started collecting your things and shoving everything, including your cardigan back into your backpack. When you stood and wove both arms through your backpack straps Ben grabbed your hand like he had done it a million times. You looked down at your hands intertwined and back at him, he looked down at it with you and smiled when your eyes met his.

_The depth of his voice went lower and you weren't even sure that was humanly possible,_ and the question came out as a growl, "Is this okay, baby girl?" 

You almost melted into the sidewalk and just nodded your head, you know if you tried to express anything verbally it would come out an octave higher than what you would normally manage. First beautiful, and now baby girl? This man was, without a doubt, going to be the death of you. 


	7. Spicy With Rice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me way too long to write considering what it is but I am having a hard time making my mind up on details and overthinking everything. I was going to wait to post and add more at the end but I though, an update is better than no update right?

Holding Ben's hand felt like holding onto a giant, his fingers were the length of your palm. He lead you from the chill of the outside quad back into the warmth that was buzzing in the busy hallway. He held you close by and gently tucked your body in front of his placing his other hand on your lower back when you needed to squeeze in-between your peers. He never let go of your hand and you noticed how nice it felt to have a literal guiding hand. You also noticed how unbelievably sweaty your hand was from the temperature change you were experiencing and you silently cursed yourself hoping Ben wouldn't realize your body's betrayal. 

When he walked through a class room door without letting go of you you looked up at his face to see the biggest, cheesiest smile you could ever imagine on big bad Ben Solo. 

"What's got you so chuffed?" 

"This is Ms. Tano's class" he said still smiling like a fool.

"Thanks, for walking me" You said looking down at your hands still locked together, you took a step closer to him and looked up into his eyes through your lashes to see them looking back down at you. 

"Where do you want to sit?" he asks you looking around briefly before he looks back down at you. 

"Um, is it open seating then?" you ask searching the room noticing students sitting and the desks filling. "I guess here is fine." You set your free hand on the desk behind you, there's 2 desks in front of it and one behind, the rows conintue to stagger this way, nothing special about this seat but you guess it's as good as any. You turn back to Ben as you feel his hold on your oh so sweaty hand fade and notice him walking around you. He sits in the desk behind the one you had just claimed. "Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me?" you say to him, now realizing where this shit eating grin had been coming from. 

"Yup, Ms.Tano 5th period." he smiles as he takes his bag from his shoulder and places it on the empty desktop in front of him. You take your spot and turn your legs to the side so you can angle your head back in his direction. 

Ben places his hand on his desk and moved it slowly to the edge to touch your shoulder that is leaning just on the edge of his table top. You try your best to conceal the tremble that even this small movement causes within you. "I have football practice after school, but when I get home do you- uh maybe wanna go on a walk or something?"

"Sure" You smile up at him and notice that his blazer is working overtime keeping his biceps covered. Why on earth did he buy a blazer in that size? His tailor owes him a refund. You look back to his eyes apprehensive that he may have just caught you staring at his arms for far too long. Before he had the chance to call you out and embarrass you to no end a voice broke your stare and you turned your attention to the front of the class where the commands to listen were coming from. 

"Welcome to English, I am Ms.Tano I hope you all did your summer reading because I don't intend to wait for you to catch up." Yup, you were going to like her. 

* * *

When the bell rang Ms. Tano had everyone working quietly writing comparative papers on Shakespeare and different modern day screen writes. You packed up your bag, taking out your schedule and the map that had been your saving grace all day. You looked down at the map in search of your next class. It was in the same hallway as your history class but you didnt trust yourself enough to get back there without your map. You pulled your bag onto your desktop before standing.

Then there was the matter of Ben. What did you think I really forgot about Ben? You're kidding right? At one point you had to put your hand on your face so you wouldn't turn to look at him. That was all you had been thinking the entire time Ms. Tano was talking about this, that, and the other. If this was going to be any indication of the rest of the year you were going to have problems knowing Ben was that close to you without being in your line of sight.

You were going to play this cool, as cool as _you_ could. You looked at Ben after hooking both arms through your backpack and he was just standing there looking at you. How long had he been waiting, why was he looking at you like that, what was he waiting for? You smiled and he returned a bright teeth flashing smile. After seeing that, much like his blazer you were about to bust. 

"What class do you have next?" he asked looking down as you walked in his direction, he was standing in front of the door so you were gonna go that way anyway.

🤷🏼♀️ 

You hand him your schedule as you walk up to stand in front of him.He looks over it for a moment before handing you the paper back. "Ah, unfortunately this is the only class we have together." he shrugs "I'm heading to art." he states and you're not sure why but this makes you laugh a bit. "And what is so funny about that?" 

"Nothing," you say letting out a deep breath as you walk past him and out the door "I just can't imagine you in an art class" you offer over your shoulder. You start in the direction of your class and Ben grabs your hand again to pull you out of the traffic of the other students making their way down the hall. You end up standing against the wall, both of you have a shoulder on the wall as you face each other and he slips his hand from yours and starts rubbing it up your arm. 

"I have to go the other way, sweetheart." his tone is low and a little sad.

_Excuse me,_

_Ben just called you sweetheart._

_..........I'll wait._

_Back to our story..._

Before you can fully enjoy the small movements he is making he wraps that hand around your back and pulls you into a hug. He has his arms draped over your shoulders and you reach your arms up, and in a very bold and unlike you move you run your hands under the blazer as your arms wrap around his waist. His shirt is the only thing keeping you from his skin but the feeling of his back muscles is not lost on your hands. How in the world is this man built this beautiful? He tucks you into his torso and plants a small sweet kiss on the top of your head. The cute level is sickening at this point. You hear his chest rumble as he speaks, "I'll text you when I get home, okay?" he starts to pull away and you let go as to not be the weirdo that held on too long. 

"Bye" you say as you turn to continue walking. He silently gives an almost awkward wave and slowly starts walking backwards to keep his eyes on you as long as possible. You look over your shoulder and smile, what the fuck had just happened?

* * *

"How was your first day?" Mrs. Mane asked as you walked in the door. She was in the living room folding a pile of clean clothes that were dumped on the love seat. 

"Pretty good, I have some work I need to do but it's not all that much." You lied, you had no homework, you'd finished Mrs. Tano's paper on the bus home, but this was an excuse to isolate yourself for a bit without seeming rude. "How was your day, and Gabby's?" you ask, not because you need to know but it's polite and you like them well enough. 

"Oh, great she loves her teacher. Paul took her to gymnastics so it will just be us for dinner. I was thinking of ordering some takeout, do you have a preference?"

"No, um maybe Chinese or Indian. I could go for something spicy with rice." Spicy and rice were your two favorite food groups. 

"Oh, I know the perfect place," she said walking over to the laptop she had sitting on the table. She opened it typed a website into the address bar before moving out of your way. She started walking back to her chore as she continued talking "Just look at the menu and tell me what you want." 

This was a MacBook, you'd never used one before and you could not figure out how in the hell to use this fucking trackpad. "I'm sorry Mrs. Mane I can't figure out how to scroll this page." you were slightly embarrassed but what else were you going to do, not eat? Yeah, sure Jan. 

"Put two fingers on the trackpad and move your fingers up and down" she showed you "when I got this damn thing I had to read the entire manual before I could figure out how to use it." she laughed it off like it wasn't a big deal but you could tell she was just being polite.

Kung Pao beef was what you decided on. Tanya was right, she had yelled at you and told her to call her Tanya after you called her Mrs. Mane for like the 4th time. She was right she knew the place, this shit was good. It was nice to have a meal with just the two of you, she told you a lot about what she did in college. She was the first in her family to college and it was a pretty big deal. She worked her ass off to get to where she was, working full time through college. She was more than generous with her knowledge of ways to work around a school schedule, that's why she said they offered you the allowance. Even if it was only high school, they really wanted you to be able and learn and study and be secure in what you were doing. She was working at the wall you kept up and you'd noticed.

You felt your pocket buzz and knew what, and who it was. Before checking your phone in a moment of brain dead judgment you asked Tanya, "Do you know the Solos?"

"Uh, yeah the neighbors? - I ah don't know them, I know Han the dad owns that car shop in town. Why?" 

"Oh," instant panic sets in "I go to school with the son." that was truth without giving any kind of detail that would make you want to burry your head in the sand. 

You took your phone as Tanya took another bite of her food and checked the message. She seemed to shrug off your question, which you were thankful for. 

**Ben** : Can you meet me at the mailbox, darlin'?

"He asked if we could go on a walk, is that okay?" you knew with just the two of you in the house she would notice you were gone If you snuck out. You'd already committed to the word vomit so go ahead, keep going commit. 

"yeah, uh just keep your phone on and be careful. Curfew is at 10 on school nights, I guess? Does that seem fair?" She was genuinely asking, she had a 6 year old she didn't know how to set teenage rules. You nodded that was more gracious than you thought and you stood closing your empty take away container up and putting it in the trash.

You went into your room to change into some skinny jeans an old school t-shirt and a pain black leather jacket. Leaving your room you grabbed your shoes from the closet where they had been since Sunday and put them on your feet. This felt more like you than the school uniform but you were somehow more nervous now than you were before school this morning. Before walking out the door you pulled your phone out to respond to Ben.

 **You** : On my way. 


	8. Do You Like It?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uh - well I may have projected my lack of self confidence on the reader in this chapter a bit. I hope you can identify and if by some chance you're super self assured (Super happy for you) but I hope you can use your imagination.

Stepping into the chill the wind whipped across your face and blew your hair around, since you ditched the pony tail as soon as you got home. You pulled up the hood of your jacket in hopes it would provide more of a shield from the sharpness of the air, it was much cooler than it had been at lunch since the sun had already gone down. You slid your hands into your pockets and started walking to the mail box. It was quiet in the neighborhood, most people retired to their domestic lives on a Monday night. With the sun gone the lights from the street lamps guide your path. The walk is not long but it feels like it's dragging because of the temperature drop. As you walk the mailbox comes into view, there he is just standing there. He doesn't know where you live so he wasn't facing you. You take this time to take him in, you can stare at him for a few moments without him knowing. You slow your pace and mind your steps trying not to make any noise. 

His hair is blowing under the black beanie he has sitting around the crown of his head. He's wearing jeans and captain boots in a dark taboaco color, a black hoodie layered with an olive green bomber jacket left unzipped. Just like every other time you've seen him, he took your breath away. He must have seen the movement in his peripherals when he turned to you and smiled you met his gaze trying your best to steady your breathing. He smiled wide in your direction and stepped towards you until there was no space between your bodies. He immediately wrapped his arms around you like he'd done at the end of class today and you felt yourself relax into him. He was warm and smelt like a dream. You stood there as he held you close relishing in the feeling of his affection. Something that yes, you didn't understand but for this moment in time you didn't

How was your day, baby girl?" he asked still holding you in his arms, you could feel his jaw move against your head. 

"better now" you said simply, not that it was a bad day but that was the truth, this was better. You could feel him smile as he gave a quiet laugh. He was glad to hear that your day was made better simply by the embrasse you were wrapped in at this moment. 

You reluctantly pulled your head from his chest and looked up at him, he held his arms around your arms as you leaned back and he looked down at your face. "What do you want to do?" you asked him "I don't know if I will last in this weather." You said quietly. 

"Well I thought we could go on a walk, but if you're too cold maybe we could go on a drive?" he asked you. You nodded hoping that you didnt seem too anxious but this cold was starting to numb your legs. He grabbed your hand and started pulling you in the direction of his house. You followed behind him with no sense of direction you just let him pull you along. Happy to be held by his huge hand you weren't paying attention so when he stopped walking you nearly ran into him. He turned to look at you standing in his driveway next to his car. "Let me go grab my keys, I'll be right back." he didn't wait for a response he just started walking into the house. You looked around the car and noticed there were 3 cars in the driveway now. When you'd left his house the other day there had only been two, his mom was probably home or they had company. The thought didnt last because the front door opened and Ben's large figure was walking back in your direction. When he walked under the light in front of the garage door you could see the smile on his face as he looked at you. 

As Ben drove you looked around, most of the neighborhood was still new and you hadn't learned the ins and outs of your home. It was about 10 minuets into the drive when Ben's right hand found it's way to your thigh, your skin ignited under his touch. You smiled over at him and even though his face didn't turn to look at you he gave you a slight smile. It only took another 5 minuets getting to where Ben stopped. He pulled into a gravel parking lot that was about a mile behind a different set of cookie-cutter houses, to the ones you both lived in. As he started to slow the car you looked out the windshield and saw why he had brought you here. The car stopped facing the edge of a cliff and below all you could see were lights. The entire city lit before you, it was absolutely beautiful. "Do you like it?" Ben was looking over at you but your eyes were burning into the view in front of you. The music volume had gone down since the car was in park but you'd hardly noticed. 

"Ben," was all you could manage to get out. He was patient and waited for you to collect your thoughts. "It's amazing" you said to him and your stare finally broke to find him.

He was looking over at you as if he was in awe of you, it was so confusing to you this man who you barely knew looked at you like you hung the stars in the sky. Maybe his lack of who you were was what made him like you, surely if he knew you everything about you he'd run scared. Still, it was far too intreating not to explore and as if it was your super power you knew how to guard your heart. You smiled up at him and he returned a smile. 

"What's your game plan here, Solo?" You said it playfully but were desperate for answers as to what in the world his obsession. 

He gave a nervous laugh, "What do you mean, baby girl?"

"That!! What is your intention behind that- _baby girl_?" you immediately respond, it's quiet for a moment and he's still looking at you with that adorably confused look on his face. After a moment you continued.

"Why are you being so nice to me, hugging me like you do and holding my hand?" This was desperate and you wanted to cringe as the words came out of your mouth but you were far too rapt up in the answer to care too much about how pitiful you sounded. 

"I like you, I feel better when you're around. I don't know how to explain it, I can't really it's just a feeling." He said it almost as if your questioning him was offensive.

”you don’t even know me?” You said confidently. It’s the truth and why should you feel bad expressing a fact? This man, _this beautiful man_ knew as little about you as you did him.   
  


He looked at you with a sad look on his face. Like the confidence you had in your last statement knocked the wind out of him.

  
“why do you let me hold your hand, and hug you _like I do_? Huh? Why - why did you dance with me?”

“I uh -“ well shit he got you there hmmmm.. “I don’t know, I just I” he cut you off. 

“Don’t be afraid, I feel it too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has made me nervous because I am having a hard time knowing if you guys are liking the direction this is going. Like I said I have no self confidence lol... Also I don't want to give anything away but if you came for smut I promise your paitence will not be tested much longer.


	9. Kylo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey just real quick I want to just say there is a cop in this chapter and if that is a trigger for you please read with care. His role is brief and non confrontational. 
> 
> Also idk if this needs to be said or not but this story is not cannon. I am taking a fan theory and putting it in my story, none of it is real so please don't come at me. I really like this and idk if it's cannon or not but in my brain it is. Please remember Ben is alive in this story and that is not cannon.

It happened in a moment, his hands flew to the back of your neck and he pulled you closer. His lips were quivering and the muscles in his face were contracting like they were in a frenzy. His eyes darted across your face like he only had moments to memorize it before it would disappear and he would have to recall it from memory but his gaze landed eventually on your mouth. Ben started pulling you in closer stoping centimeters in front of your mouth, keeping eye contact with your lips he whispered your name. "Please, can I-" before he could finish the question the sight of foreign headlights danced through the back window causing you both to jump back from the intimate position you were in. 

After a second glance you noticed the unlit light bar across the top of the vehicle. Cops. Fuck. 

You looked over at Ben who was still looking out the back, "Cops Ben, it's the fucking cops." You said to him in a whisper trying not to sound too panicked. He turned his head and looked at you like you had been over reacting, and maybe you were. It's not that you were doing anything wrong but you didn't handle authority well, and you also didn't handle sis gendered hetero white men on a power trip well either. 

"Hey, it's fine okay? I got this." Great, another sis gendered hetero white man here to save the day. 

You turn and face the view again except this time it's not giving you the same magical feelings as before. Your stomach churns at the idea of you having to explain to Tanya that you were in jail for bitch slapping a cop after he told you that woman deserved less pay or something. I don't know. You tried to go over your check list, you hadn't expected to go anywhere so unfortunately you didn't have ID. Hands laying palms flat facing up, slight panic started to creep over you and Ben was rolling down his window ignorant to your continued uneasy feeling. You wanted to hurl when Ben started laughing at the sight of the police officer. 

"Fucking Hugs, brah is that you??" Ben said with a little too much casually for the weight you felt in this situation. Who the fuck is Hugs, why is he calling him brah, and why the fuck does he think it's a good idea to laugh at this man?

"Oh shit, Kylo what the fuck is up man." the cop says back at him and you can feel the tension crack and seep away. "What are you doing out here?" he says with a laugh. Ben nods his head in your direction without looking away from the man standing outside the drivers side window. The officer bends down and sees you sitting in the passangers seat. The casualty he felt with Ben must have made him drop his 'officer persona' if he hadn't even noticed your presents, you shook it off. "hello" he offers you awkwardly. He is tall and slim, he looks like he was born in that uniform. His red hair is sticking slightly out of a black beanie he is wearing to combat the cold. He's very pale even more so than Ben, what the hell was in the water up here? 

"Man, I am sorry to kill your vibe," he directs his words back to Ben. "one of the owners of the houses out here calls us every time someone drives down this road. Convinced it's always 16 year olds coming out here to well -, ya know." He stood back up so you're only view of him is his belt though you could tell what he was suggesting. "Kylo, you're 18 now though right? both of you?" he asks. 

Ben answers him, "Yeah, we are." gesturing to you. 

"Okay well then there's no law being broken," he shrugs off. "This is public property and you're adults so it's not like you're breaking curfew so unfortunately I can't arrest you." the officer says facetiously.

"Oh fuck off Hugs" Ben says still facing him but the statement wreaks in sarcasm. 

"That's officer Hux to you, sir" he corrects him, letting out a laugh. "But do me a favor, whatever it is you're doing out here wrap it up within the next hour or so this woman will call back and I don't want to drag my ass all the way back out here okay?" 

Ben nods at him and his request, "I can't imagine we will be out here longer." 

"See ya, Kylo." the officer says as he taps the top of the car a few times before backing up to lean down to look at you again, "It was nice meeting you, uh" he paused noticing he hadn't got your name. 

You told him your name, and he said it back to you. "right been a pleasure, keep Kylo here out of trouble for me." he gives you a wink and starts walking back in the direction of his patrol car before you have the opportunity to say anything. 

"Bye, Officer Hux" Ben calls out after him in a sarcastically stern voice. He rolls up the window and huffs a laugh before looking at you. He instantly drops his face when he sees your expression. "What's wrong doll, you look like you've seen a ghost." he said grabbing your hand with one of his hands placing the other on you right shoulder to turn you to face him more head on. 

"I just got nervous, I guess." you try and shrug him off but he won't relent. 

"I am so sorry, but I will keep you safe." he said as his thumb runs circles over the top of your hand. "Promise."

"Who- uh who was that guy?" you ask looking down at your intertwined hands. 

"Armitage Hux, he played football with me. Graduated last year and I guess he's a cop now." His easy tone was coming off as reassuring, when Hux had been there it was cocky but this, this was ease.

"Why did he call you Kylo? you ask looking up at his face he gives a little smile. 

"Well it's a combo of my middle and last name." You raise your eyebrow in curiosity. "Skywalker, my mother's maiden name and Solo. So Kylo, it's what my teammates call me." 

The drive back home was quiet but Ben kept your hand in his. Neither one of you caring to question why you were infatuated with the way it felt to be able to touch one another even in such a simple way. Neither of you asking what any of it meant, but both of you desperately wishing Hux hadn't shown up the moment he did.

You were not going to bring it up, absolutely not! Brave was not one of your defining characteristics. When you stated to recognize streets and businesses you knew you were only about 5 minuets away from the house. You let felt a little depleted by this realization, you didn't want to get out of Ben's car, and you definitely did not want to let go of his hand. An audible sigh came out a little more dramatic than you intended. 

Almost instantly Ben turns his head to you, "What's wrong?"

Yup, by the look on his face you could tell it was an Oscar award winning sigh. 

"I'm tired is all. The bus leaves at 6 so I am up before the sun." Deflect it, you were pretty proud of how well you were able to lie about that. Although, you really were tired and justifiably so it was after 9 pm. You're day had already been going on for 15 hours. 

"Fuck that," it sounded like he was making a choice for you. "I can give you a ride tomorrow if you'd like I usually don't leave until 7-7:15ish. You could get more sleep."

"Oh really, Ben? You wouldn't mind?" This is not what you were getting at with your white lie, but hell, you weren't going to turn down more sleep. 

"Are you kidding?" he let out a genuine laugh. "I am so sure, I am going there anyway but this way I have your hand to hold and the absolute pleasure of your company."

He stopped at a red light and lifted your hand to his mouth placing the sweetest little kiss on the back of your hand. He looked up at you the moment his lips touched your skin and it ignited a fire inside of you that you thought was dead a very long time ago. His pouty lips took their time leaving your skin and his eyes glowed a cinnamon brown as they looked at you through his eyelashes. It happened in just 3 seconds but it felt like time slowed to almost a complete stop. You could feel your entire body tremble at this innocent reaction, "Really it would be like you were doing me a favor, keeping me company."

Your head spun but you managed to nod and say, "Okay, sure." You were melting into nothing but a puddle, you were grateful you were sitting because your knees felt unstable. Keep it together, you thought.

He smiled at you, which was not helping solidify your being, at all, and he looked back at the road waiting only a moment before the light changed to green.

When he turned onto your street he slowed insisting you let him know where you lived. Having asked Tanya about the Solos you knew they were not acquainted so you figured there was no harm in him knowing where your fosters lived. You pointed out the house and he stopped on the street putting the car in park. Before you had the opportunity to collect yourself or unbuckle your seatbelt he was already walking around to your side of the car to get the door.

"Ben, you don't have to-" He placed his hand out to help you out of the car, reluctantly you grabbed it rolling your eyes. "I can do" He pulled you up and into his chest wrapping his arms around your waist in one swift, and very suave move. "-it." you stuttered out. 

"You might want to wear a winter jacket tomorrow, it's just going to get colder this week ya know?" He laughed and you felt the rumble in his chest on the left side of your face.

"This is the only jacket I have." you said quietly, you shouldn't be embarrassed by that but a part of you was. 

"You really aren't from here." he huffed a bit before pulling himself back out of your grasp. You were disappointed until you saw what it was he was doing.

"Here" He lifted the large black hoodie over his head and torso. You caught a peek at his midsection as his Henley shirt stuck to the inside of the sweater you gasped but luckily he didn't hear because his head was buried in the fabric as he lifted it above his head.

"This one is thicker than yours" he said handing you the Carhartt "It's no winter coat but it'll help until you get one."

No words. Just thoughts, thinking thoughts was all you could do. You shook your head and raised the hoodie in your hands in his direction offering a visible 'thank you.'

He reached behind you into the car and grabbed his bomber jacket and put that on over his shirt before pulling you back into a hug. His scent was stronger without an extra layer of fabric between the two of you and you were reminded of the dance you had in his living room. You could hear the car radio humming behind you with The Goo Goo Dolls- Black Balloon. 

"Goodnight, Ben" you squeezed his waist knowing if you didn't walk away now things were going to escalate. It was too soon for all that and you hardly knew this boy. From what you could gather, you knew that this wasn't something you didn't want to simply act on physically, there was much more of Ben Solo you had yet to uncover. That was clear to you and knowing yourself if you started kissing him, you would never want to stop. So as much as it hurt you started shifting yourself to move from his arms. 

"Good night, baby girl." He placed a kiss on the top of your head and gave your back one last rub with the palm of his hand. 

You ripped yourself away and reluctantly walked away. Closing the front door felt like an accomplishment. You had demonstrated self control and you knew around Ben that was going to be a difficult task.

After your shower you opened your toiletry and saw your knife buried under a tube of lip balm. It looked like it was calling to you the blade glistening in the light but you didnt yearn for it, you didn't even want that release. You grabbed the lip balm leaving the knife.

You pulled on Ben's hoodie and zipped the bag back up without a second thought.

Crawling into bed felt amazing as the exhaustion really had come over your body in a strong way. You pulled the blankets over your legs and up to your chest. Your bed was warm and soft and with the smell of Ben swirling in the around you, you rolled to your side and grabbed a pillow to hold. You succumbed to the weight behind your eyelids and fell into sweet sweet darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an actual question I would love answers to. Do you prefer short chapters with frequent updates or longer chapters less frequently? I know I am impatient and always want more more more but I want to make this story more enjoyable for my readers.


	10. Little Bee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back to Ben's pov in this one. Fair warning there is some parental conflict in this chapter and if you are sensitive to that please take care.

Ben was buzzing with warmth, the feeling of you on his chest of your body remained in phantom pressure and he welcomed it. When he walked through the front door he stayed quiet hoping for his presence to go unnoticed and it wasn't until he finished closing the door with the utmost delicacy that he realized both of his parents were standing in the living room waiting for him. 

When they locked eyes he stood at his full height and let his shoulders drop in relaxation. He raised a brow at them in question as to what looked like a shitty ultimatum. They looked at him with distain in their eyes. Leia had her arms crossed across her chest and Ben knew that stance from her all too well. Han looked like Leia had forced him to stand there and be angry with her, he was bad at confronting Ben, usually he'd just leave it to the wind if he could help it. Ignore the problem and it will go away. 

"Ben, come in here please." Leia said shortly. 

"What's up?" he responded.

"I checked your portal today, for Yale." and there is was. The beginnings of a long conversation he really didn't want to have. 

"Why are you getting onto my account? Am I not allowed a little privacy?" he spat back a little more aggressive than he meant. 

"I was looking because we were waiting for the letter, but I assume you've already seen that?" she said looking at him with a stern face and soft eyes. Ben nodded unsure of what he could say to talk him out of this. "Why are you hiding things from us, son?" she asked her expression lost a bit of its strength and her muscles relaxed a bit more. 

"I- I just I don't know."

"Kid, the wait list isn't that big of a deal, it's not a no." Han said trying to ease the tension in the room. 

"But it's not what I should be doing, it's less than what is expected of me." Ben said, he was good at being self deprecation for sure. He always found a way to put himself down before someone else could in confrontational situations. "Less than I expected of myself, can't you respect that this hurts me, that I am not okay with this. I worked so hard and it still wasn't good enough, it's never good enough." He said his voice breaking half way through his break down. He could feel the pressure build behind his eyes as his voice shook. His once clenched fists were relaxed and he let his head slump to the height of his shoulders.

"Ben, we will work this out. We aren't upset about the results, we are proud of you but it is disappointing when you hide things like this from us. How can we be here for you if you don't let us in?" He felt his heart sink, he knew his parents were good people, maybe not the best parents but they were good genuine people. But Ben was a teenager, why on earth would he actually talk with his parents? His emotion was starting to leak from his tear ducts, he turned on his heel and paused before storming up the stairs.

With his back now to his parents he said, "fix it then." Knowing what that meant and what it was going to do to his conscious. The reason he had avoided having this conversation, the reason he was holding himself to such a high standard, why he was busting his ass. So he wouldn't have to stoop to this level, yet here he was calling on mommy and daddy to fix his mess. He walked up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door behind him.

Ben laid in his bed for almost an hour before he texted you, 

Ben: Hey you up?

It had been hours since he sent you that text. He looked up at his ceiling for far too long before rolling to the side and checking the time on his phone that sat on his nightstand. 3:21. He was irritated with himself for letting his night not go the way he wanted in any way at all. He was mad that his parents were snooping and that he'd let them win. He was frustrated that he hadn't kissed you, held you, touched you like he desperately wanted to.

He felt his exhaustion creep up on him and he let it take over. Sleep.

* * *

The next morning the drive to school was comfortable, the sunlight that had been lacking the night before seemed to remove the physical tension that was thick in the air the night before. Ben had texted and told you he had arrived, he was leaning on the hood of his car when you opened the door. He looked delicious in his school uniform, that man could work a tie. The fucking peacoat that was wrapped tight around his arms and shoulders, was not doing you any favors, it made it almost impossible to keep your jaw from dropping straight to the ground.

He smiled seeing you in his hoodie, you looked ridiculous but you were warm. It dropped down to your mid thigh over your uniform and it wasn't in dress code but you could wear it while you were outside, and having it to drape over your legs in class would be comforting. Wearing a skirt daily was something you were getting used to but between the weather and the thin tights you wore it was a foreign feeling all together.

Ben was quick to pull you into a hug, the smell that had lulled you into a deep sleep last night was stronger and swirling into your nostrils now that your head was resting on his broad chest and you reviled in it. The fragrance of him his musky oak cologne and to have his warmth wrapped all the way around your body was quickly becoming your happy place. It was comforting.

You squeezed him back, slightly harder than you'd previously had the courage to do, he kissed the top of your head sending chills down your spine and sharp tingles all over your body. 

"Good morning, beautiful." he said to you pulling his arms away and grabbing your hand.

"Morning, Ben." you said smiling up at him. His lips quivered when he noticed you staring at them and it made your heart flutter, you quickly turned your head tucking a small piece of hair behind your ear. You'd try to do a little bit more of a braid today but you'd only had the internet to teach you how to do it. No way you were asking Tanya, and it wasn't holding up as well as you'd hoped. 

He walked you to the passengers side of the car and opened the door to usher you into your seat. He'd left the engine running and the heater was blowing warm air that eased you into a comfortable atmosphere. When he'd got into the drivers seat he pulled on his seat belt and started to pull away. His hand found yours again and it sent shivers down your spine. His simple touches made your body quake and surly he had to know that. He started spinning circles around your thigh and he could see the way your breath hitched at his touched. 

Just before pulling onto the highway he turned his car down an unfamiliar road driving much faster than your sure was legal. When he stopped the car in an unkempt parking lot you looked up to see a tall brick building that quite honestly scared the shit out of you. 

The windows were all broken out, the white paint on the trim of the door and the windows was peppered with black where the paint had chipped and the wood was rotting visibly underneath it. The French doors were off the hinges and dispute it being a three story building you were sure the entire structure could fall with a big enough gust of wind. It had vines and growing up the sides weaving in and out of the broken windows and cracked brick. You were confused as hell as to why Ben would bring you here. You turned your head to look over at him and before you could get anything out the sheer look on his face caused you to freeze. 

"Come here" He growled at you. You slid closer to him seeing the hunger in his eyes. He leaned his head down and pressed his forehead to yours looking down at you. "Can I?" he whispered. You crushed your mouth into his without giving him a verbal answer. You wanted to kiss him almost instantly after you met him and the electricity you felt pulsing through your lips caused you to moan into him. You reached your right hand up and ran it through his raven hair. He groaned when you stopped at the base of his neck and pulled slightly. He slid off your lips and looked down at you. His eyes had turned almost as black as his hair and his devilish smile burned into your soul. 

"Don't be a brat." he warned. You squeezed your legs together trying to ease a bit of the need pulsing through your core. He noticed your movement and pulled you closer. You swung your leg up and pulled yourself onto his lap placing your knees on either side of his thighs causing him to groan. His hands moved to your waist and he leaned into your mouth, you opened letting him deepen the kiss. His tongue moved into your mouth and played with your plump lips causing him to buck his hips up into you. You raised yourself on your knees so you were holding yourself over him. He pulled you back onto his lap and you felt the excitement growing in his pants. You lifted again trying to keep yourself level headed knowing damn well that feeling this mans aching cock on your core was going to make it impossible, but he pulled you back down onto his lap. 

"Ben" You whispered as he moved his affection down your jaw and started working to your neck. "Ben, we should get going we are going to be late." You hated breaking this up because god damn but you really needed to be focused on school this year. Keeping priorities in line even if you felt like you were betraying your body. Ben pulled away and looked up at you still holding yourself over him. He pulled your body into his in more of a hug than a sensual touch. He looked back up at you and placed a small kiss on the center of your abdomen before patting your leg signaling for you to move off of him. 

When you got to school Ben and you had to use different entrances so he was unable to walk you in. Before you left he grabbed your waist and wrapped his large hands around your back. He leaned down and placed an innocent kiss on you lips that lingered and oozed longing. 

"Can I take you to dinner tonight?" he asked looking down at you with puppy dog eyes. 

"Sure, I'd love that." It was early and you figured you could pass this off as a study date to Tanya. 

He leaned down to kiss you again this time letting his mouth open to you. Instead of letting your tongue play gently in his mouth you bit his bottom lip causing him to hiss. "oww, here I thought you were a nice girl." he said wrapping his hands around you and pulling his body flush with yours smiling down at the mischievous look you were giving him. 

"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee." You smirked. 

"I'll see you tonight then my little Bee."

You smiled at Ben and turned to walk in the direction of your first class. You turned a few moments later and saw him standing where you left him just starting at you. He smiled when your eyes locked on his and you blushed. This man was going to end you. 


	11. Your Parents?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit is getting spicy, finally ;)
> 
> Also please let me know if you prefer short frequent updates or longer chapters like this? IDK what I am doing. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Going through your day seemed to be as dull as it was the day before. Walking into your third class of the day you were more than prepared to take notes and keep your head down. It wasn't until the teacher requested you pair off to work on the extremely thick chapter packet she'd handed out at the start of class. 

Glancing around you felt your stomach churn, that feeling of being picked last doesn't get easier. It actually gets worse simply because you come to expect being picked last. Knowing the blow of rejection is coming and learning to anticipate the unwanted feeling that followed you around constantly. Your teacher caught your attention when she called out your name. You sat up a bit straighter when your eyes locked on hers. "Do you have a partner?" she asked. You shook your head, no. 

"She can join us, if you don't mind us working in a group of 3, Mrs. Dune"

"That's fine by me." She responded waving you over to the 2 boys sitting a row and a few desks over. 

You collected your open bag awkwardly pulling it against your body to keep Ben's hoodie draped over your legs, you grabbed the packet off your desk before waddling over to them turning your head just to make sure you didn't leave anything behind. 

"Hi" you said softly sitting next to your new group. 

"Hi, I'm Poe this is Finn." You gave a small nod before pulling out a pen and placing your eyes back on your work. They seemed nice enough but you didn't know how to put yourself out there. 

"Is this your first year at Chandrila?" Poe asked you trying to make conversation. 

"Yeah, I just moved here." You said looking up, you noticed they were smiling at you and it almost felt welcoming. You noticed the way Finns hand was resting on Poe's leg and connected a few dots. 

Poe squeezed Finns hands when you saw looking at the subtle embrace. "This is my first year here too, I got a scholarship." Finn said looking at you with a cautious smile. "Poe helped me with my essay, I'm convinced that's the only reason I got in. I'm just grateful this place is no joke."

Poe leaned in and kissed Finn's cheek. "You're so much more worthwhile than you give yourself credit for." You smiled at their interaction, apart from it being cute they seemed down to earth. 

Getting through the packet wasn't an easy task, the work was hard and on top of that 

After everything that happened with Ben you had started to feel more alone than before. Not for any other reason than that you had no one to talk about Ben with. You felt the need for such a mundane release, talk amongst friends so maybe friends weren't the worst idea. It was too soon to tell but these could be your people. 

Having gotten distracted joking and poking fun at Poe with Finn, you had agreed to meet up for lunch in Mrs. Dune's classroom to catch up with the work that was supposed to be done by the end of class. While there was still plenty of joking at Poe's expense you three had managed to finish section one with 10 minuets of your lunch period left to spare. 

Finn and Poe were the worlds sweetest couple and it could make you sick. You'd had boyfriends but you were almost sure none of them looked at you the way Finn looked at Poe. Even in the sickening sweetness they never made you feel like a 3rd wheel. It was just a group of friends, your friends. 

In between classes you found yourself in the ladies room feeling silly that you wanted to freshen up before sitting in front of Ben for an entire hour. You tucked a few loose pieces of hair back into the messy braid hairstyle you had attempted this morning. You applied some lip balm and then worried if you should remove it or not. Surly he wouldn't kiss you, but if he did would the lip balm bother him? You decided they were your lips and you didn't want them crusty, you blotted but kept most of the product on your mouth. 

When the bell rang you got a little nervous walking into the hall, you always had butterflies before seeing Ben. You felt the man's boner on your stomach this morning but you were worried about him staring at the back of your head. 

When you approached Ms. Tano's room he was standing outside the door talking to a group of boys. He was so much taller than everyone else he was easy to spot from a far. You were able to blend a bit more, and took advantage of your cover to watch him. His stance was relaxed he leaned against the wall with one hand in his pocket, everything he did was hot. Him existing made your heart flutter, and this man wanted you, he pined for you. Getting closer your feet felt like they started to float, when he turned his head he saw you and you had to remind yourself not to freeze. The floating feeling replaced completely with lead feet. 

He patted the shoulder of the boy on his left and started walking in your direction. There was about a 10 feet gap that he quickly closed with his long strides. You had your backpack on and his sweater hung folded on your forearm, he didn't pay any mind to them as he wrapped his arms around your hips and lifted you in the air until his lips met yours. 

You were slightly embarrassed by his public display of affection and a little nervous that the guarders on your thigh highs must be showing since your skirt had ridden up from his grasp. 

"Ben" you squealed. Placing your hands behind your back desperately trying to pull your skirt down. He caught the hint and placed you back on your feet. 

His hands moved and he pulled you into a hug kissing the crown of your head. You saw from the corner of your eye that people were looking at what was playing out, your modification did not set in, however until you heard Ms. Tano's voice. 

"Eww you two, get in here and sit down." Ben's friends laughed before they continued down the hall. Your face was bright red as the feeling of wanting to vanish crept over you. Ben was unbothered entirely and grabbed your hand dragging you into the classroom. 

So much for laying low. 

Ben was distracting and that was obvious when Ms. Tano turned off the projector and you had taken less than half a page worth of notes. At some point during the lesson plan Ben's finger brushed against your neck, the touch so light you thought you had imagined it at first. It sent shivers up your spine and sent goose bumps dancing across your skin. He slowly got braver in his touch and started playing with the baby hair that fell from your braid at the nape of your neck. You relaxed into the touch and let it overwhelm your senses. When the light flickered back on illuminating the room his hand retreated. The quick innocent touch felt like a moment that was meant just for the two of you. 

Dressing for dinner came easier than expected. You couldn't wear anything that would make your fosters suspicious that this was anything more than a study group, but you still wanted to feel cute. High waisted dark washed distressed skinny jeans matched with your favorite chunky cream colored sweater. It was tattered, the chunky stitching had missing loops and the sleeves had a raw hem line but it was oversized and hung over your wrists, small things like that made you feel dainty and gave you more confidence. You stuck to your white chucks and grabbed your backpack for 'studying' Tanya had no problem with you having a study date and you were sure she wouldn't mind if you had told her that this was a real date she wouldn't be one to object but you didn't want to talk about your situation with Ben until everything was said out loud and sorted. 

In reality it was a little embarrassing that Ben and you hardly knew one another and yet he had kissed you so publicly before class, and then again after class but without the spectacle of showing your ass to the entire student body. 

You didn't know what this was to him if nothing more than a physical attraction, I mean that had to be the basis of it since he knew little about you. For you it felt like more than a simple lust, it felt electric to stand in Ben's presence and when you did kiss him the draw to him only intensified. 

Ben's car hadn't come to a complete stop yet when you walked out the door. Desperate to make sure he wasn't going to be a gentleman and knock on the door since you were pretty positive this was a date. You jumped in the car before he had a chance to get out and greet you but you still leaned into him and placed a small kiss on his lips before he started driving down the road again, his hand snaking across the seat to rest on your thigh. 

Ben took you to an Italian place, he knew you liked pizza but he had no idea you were in love with pasta, lucky guess... He held your hand across the dim lit restaurant and ran his fingers over the palm of your hand. He told you about his plans to go to Yale, and finding out he was on the waitlist. 

He had been distressed about the news the day he met you but he was looking at it with a seemingly more positive attitude now. He was reassured by his own confidence that he would get in, a small formality, he called it. 

You felt good about telling him things after that, he'd told you that besides his parents you were the only person he had told about his college news. He had been open and vulnerable with you. Telling you something that you had seen first hand that had distressed him greatly. I mean the man threw himself into the fucking grass and he was now sitting here telling you about the very thing that brought you into his life. 

So, when he asked you why your family moved here, you felt the need to divulge the truth. You told him about growing up in foster care, the broad overview not the intricacies of it all. You'd told him about the program you'd made your way into and how good your new fosters had been to you. He listened keeping eye contact with you, his hand never leaving yours and squeezing it every so often when he could feel your confidence breaking. He didn't push, he didn't prod. He listened. 

This was the first time you had told anyone about being in foster care without them asking where your "real" parents were, why you hadn't been adopted by a family, or why you were put in the system at all. When you shrugged wrapping up your long answer he continued rubbing your hand. 

"Thank you for sharing that with me, Bee." He said softly.

He lifted your hand and kissed your palm, letting your fingers rest against his cheek and temple. His bone structure was intoxicating and to touch him after having let out such a vulnerable side of yourself made the butterflies in your stomach erupt. 

You blinked a few times trying to snap out of the trance he put on you and pulled your hand down his face letting your fingers linger. The air grew heavy and you felt an ache to be closer to him. 

"Should we go?" you asked still completely in his trance. You had made it sound suggestive and he noticed, his Adam's apple bobbed at your tone and he shook his head in response. 

Once you were in the car you couldn't keep your hands off of him, grabbing at his leg, scooting closer to his side as he drove. Leaning up and peppering his perfect face with longing kisses. If you hadn't made it obvious to him, you had a one track mind at this point. You wanted him, now. Your body was aching, skin crawling, stomach was pooling, sex throbbing. You needed him. 

When Ben pulled onto the highway your moves became more bold in your lusty haze. You reached your hand down and started rubbing jeans, he jumped at first contact and moaned into the friction. "Holy shit, baby." This only added fuel to your fire. Hearing him make sweet longing nosies for you made your body vibrate. "Do you want to come over?" he asked as your kisses moved down his neck. You lifted your head and looked at him with confusion. 

"Your parents?" you asked.

"My mother is out of town, and Han is shooting pool with my uncles, the house is empty. We don't have to, no pressure. I just would rather experience this with you outside of my car." He said with a shy smile looking down at the growing tent in his pants. 

You shook your head yes, and you swore you could feel his foot hit the gas peddle harder. Since he had offered the invitation you had sat back in your seat and the air had grown a little thicker. There was silence between two of you but his hand remained squeezing at your inner thigh and that was more than fueling your desire. 

When Ben opened the door you followed him and without waiting for an invitation you started walking up the stairs grabbing his hand to pull you behind you. You hadn't been upstairs but you wanted to get this man into a bed as soon as possible. The bed was upstairs and so up you went. 

"My needy girl." He cooed at you following your motions almost in awe of how bold you were being. 

You giggled at his words and picked up your pace. 

"Which room is yours?" You said when you reached the top step, he motioned to the door on your right. You placed your hand on the door knob and looked back at him for confirmation. He nodded, and you opened the door pulling him still. 

You released his hand and as he turned to close and lock the door behind you, you removed your sweater. When he turned back and saw you standing in you light pink lace bra his breath hitched and his eyes wondered over your body. 

"You're so fucking beautiful." he said in a rough low voice. You stepped closer to him closing the space between you and your lips clashed in a desperate, hungry motion. 

You pulled at his black leather jacket, which he slipped out of and then started pulling on his thin grey sweater until he broke the kiss to pull it off his head. His torso was beautifully pale and dotted with those beautiful freckles that he wore so well. His muscles contracted under your hands as your hands roamed to explore the expansive chiseled space. Having his skin against yours made you let out a small moan which drove Ben to pick you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist until he dropped you into the bed. 

You bounced as he released you laying on your back with your knees bending at the end of the bed and he took a moment to look at you. You sat up on your elbows looking at him right back. "Take your fucking pants off." he told you and you listened. Pulling your pants down making sure your panties remained on your hips he began unbuckling his own at a slow pace, getting distracted by your lack of clothing. He placed his hands on your stomach and started trailing them down your sides, the contact alone caused you to let out a moan as you threw your head back.

His fingers stopped over the hem of your thong and he looked up at you, "Do you want me, my little Bee?" he asked you slowly. You nodded feverishly at him, practically begging.

"I can't hear you, baby." he said which caused your body to contract.

"Yes please, Ben. I want you so bad. Fuck, please."

"Good girl" he said as he lowered his fingers moving the panties down your leg. He moved to his knees as the garment ran down your leg and you shuttered and laid flat on your back in anticipation. 

He spread your legs, slowly moving kisses up your thighs making your body tingle. He was teasing you leaving bites on your thigh as he moved closer and closer to your sex. Your back arched and your legs shook waiting for his touch when suddenly his mouth was off your skin completely. You waited, the suspense was killing you, god you wanted this man and he was doing this foreplay thing a little too well. 

After what felt like forever you lifted yourself back up on your elbows when you couldn't wait anymore and looked down at Ben. 

His face looked scared and your panic set in when you realized what caused him to stop. His lip was twitching and his eyes were burning into your skin, staring at the small little scars that littered your upper thigh. 


End file.
